I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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