Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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