that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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