yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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