shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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