Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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