I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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