Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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