all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize