Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
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His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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