i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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