I wish they made helmets for livers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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