so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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