And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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