I smell stomach acid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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