does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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