She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize