Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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