she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize