so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize