She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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