I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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