people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize