why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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