In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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