i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
that's an acceptable place to lick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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