i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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