ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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