my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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