ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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