He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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