At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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