Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize