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I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
50% drunk capacity currently
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