Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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