I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize