i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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