I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize