How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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