Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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