My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize