im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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