He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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