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A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So many bounce houses so little time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Randomize
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