just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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