I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize