hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize