but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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