am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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