What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize